Fourty nine

Overthinking. At times, it drives me crazy when my mind is locked with too many tabs off the latch. To do good, to be at my best, to do this, to do that. And when I’m done thinking overly, I quit and surprisingly, I become the person better than I was before. It’s always been this way. It’s always been a task to live in the present moment.
Why, life?

It was my first solo travel on metro when I was heading to Indiranagar. While waiting at the station, I saw a lady, whom I figured out as an IBMer by the Id card round her neck. ‘Connecting with people is very important in life’ I remembered my dad’s words in the first room of our rooftop. So I went up to her.
We got into the train without pausing to stop the exchange of pleasantries that was underway. We sat next to eachother. She appeared to be in her 40’s as we talked from where we come from to what we do now to what I’d like to see myself doing in the future days to the weather in Bangalore to that particular day being very wintry to correcting her more than once that I was going to get down in ‘Vijaynagar’ to so many more.
I thought of having gone to a bookstore with my 16 years old cousin whose house I was living in at that time, and of eating Masal puri every evening. There were some Kannada serials that we used to watch at night, I’d chop tomatoes and onions for my Aunt, cousin’s Mom, while she’d make breakfast. I’d put my clothes into the washing machine, while the mean grandmother would sometimes be very nice on me by giving extra of anything. That was also the time when a long lost friend called me up on phone. We had talked for hours, I would be in the terrace as the clear blue sky changed from orange to deep blue to black with stars popping up to twinkle at us.
I’d also go out to my cousin’s house every weekend for dinner. There would be people around whom I could call as mine. There was a sense of belonging and home.

While my heart chose to continue in Bangalore, my mind tossed Hyderabad when I was given an option to choose between the two as my work location. With the latter, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, I knew there would be nobody at the beginning. The weather there is humid all the time, said a friend. It hardly rains there, said another friend. So I imagined myself in a place on the sunny afternoons, walking on the roads alone. With strangers, of whom I had no idea of what they would look like. So I decided to leave, because for me, it clearly was a move out of my comfort zone. But that’s what the lady I had met on the metro told me, ‘Venture out. If there’s anything out there that you think you’re afraid of, you must go for it.’
And so, I chose to leave. I chose to leave the relatives I was living with, the cousins I’d visit, the friends in laughter, I would stop thinking of the friend I had met after so long, whom I’d speak with in the terrace. Yes, as the sky turned from blue to orange to black, till the stars twinkled.
Because I knew, that choosing a path that’s rough and tough would be sad at the start, but definitely reward a lifetime learning. And so, I chose to leave.


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